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Being Stuck….

I saw this picture on Pinterest of a person stuck in a jar. The quote read “I feel like I am stuck in a glass jar. I can see what I want or need to do, yet I cannot reach it.” Holy crap! After months of trying to describe how I am feeling THIS random picture did it for me! This is EXACTLY how I feel; like I’m stuck in this world where my days go on and on and I am trapped in this merry go round I just cant seem to get off on.

There are days the dizziness is just too much. So much that I actually get nauseous. Then there are days the lid is so tight I cant even breathe. On the outside, everything looks fine. Actually, everything IS fine. I have a job I love, I have the set up I had prayed for for years. I have amazing friends, healthy kids, a home I feel blessed to live in. I drive my dream car. And yet, I still feel “off”.

If I were to take a page from my LOA book I would say I am not “in alignment”. So my question now is; how in the hell do I get “aligned” because I’m about to blow this lid off and turn my entire world upside down! Or I’m going to die… at this point, it could go either way.

Words of Wisdom as Klari begins her 3rd Yr as a Longhorn!

My klari left to begin her junior year in college the other day. As you can see by my “other day” comment she left with no fanfare, no major production, no one even shed a tear – not even me. She just packed up her car and left while I was at work with a promise to call when she got there. Reality is that she’s got this.. If anyone should be giving/getting advice here it’s her to me but my opportunity to share my famous (only to me) Words of Wisdom are just too important (again, only to me) to pass up so I will not let that happen… no way, not on my watch.

Therefore, in my usual fashion, here are my (not so famous but I mean every word of it) Words of Wisdom for the Klare Bear as she embarks upon her 3rd year as a Longhorn, living in Austin (near 6th street) while she’s only months away from turning 21.😬❤️❤️

So here goes:

1. It’s the beginning of the end.

I don’t mean to place pressure, but it is, sort of, the beginning of the end so you kinda sorta have to figure out what you want to do with your life. And when I say “kinda sorta”– I mean it. You don’t have to know EXACTLY what you want to do FOREVER but it’s time to start having some serious conversations about it. And while you know I am always here to talk I also know how “judgey” you accuse me of being, so I get it if you choose someone else to talk to. As long as you are talking it out, I don’t care with who. I mean, the fact that I spent 16 hours in labor giving you life isn’t that big of a deal and I will only cry for a little while…

If you do choose to talk to someone who isn’t me but instead with someone who seems to have it all together and has every day planned out from here to eternity; I totally get it. But keep one thing in mind; that doesn’t have to be you. (Actually, I hope it isn’t.) There are very few people that actually know EXACLTY what they want to do with the REST OF THEIR LIVES – and I mean VERY FEW – so don’t panic. You still have time. And trust me when I tell you that you are not alone in this. LOTS of people in your situation are right there with you so don’t be scared or even disappointed but instead try somehting just a little bit crazy, something out of the box. Remember what I tell you; finding out what you don’t want is never a waste of time as it only brings you one step closer to figuring out what you DO want.

2. Sh$t’s about to get REAL.

Your courses are only going to get harder but also, a lot more interesting….but harder. So start that work earlier, stay ahead of the game and you will be so much better off and a lot less stressed. This is the year that you will probably start seeing a lot more writing and research of concepts, which means there is probably no wrong answer. BUT, this type of work will require you to actually dig deep into, not your brain, but your soul. And you, my baby, have one of the purest souls I know. Use it. Write about your visions and your interpretations. This is UT for goodness sake; use some of that weird stuff they so openly embrace and pour everything you have into it. I assure you; you will not go wrong with this approach. And if you do, you call your mama and I will go talk to that professor and show him how wrong he/she is! Unless he’s the hot one in which case, just nod and agree.. By this point, your professors have one job, aside from teaching the topic, of course, but mainly it’s to weed out the ones who can’t hang. And while I think you can totally hang, I suggest staying on top of things as much as you can.. I mean, why take chances? Unless of course, matty is on campus in which case you drop everything and run to find him. I really do not need to elaborate any further on this one.

3. The whole world does not rest on your shoulders.

There will be days it feels like it does but trust me when I tell you it does not. You are responsible for being your best you, that’s it. Study, try and learn something cool, and have fun. Everything will eventually fall into place, It always does… and that plastic surgeon route is ALWAYS an option (zero pressure on my end – though I did give you life and sacrificed A LOT of purses to make sure you had the latest and greatest laptop and everything else you needed.. just sayin’).

4. Don’t forget that your life isn’t confined to school.

Use this year to discover what you love. Not just academically or professionally but personally too… In a few months you will be turning 21 and a whole other world is going to open up (did someone say Vegas?). So if hanging out in your apt in sweatpants is more enjoyable than actually GOING OUT then you keep hanging in them.. But do, at least TRY to go outside of your comfort zone a few times this year and find out what it really is that you find joy in doing.. you never know, it might be something you never even saw coming.

Bottom line; you have already completed TWO WHOLE YEARS! And while this one might be a little different, it’s also going to be one of the greatest! Make the most of it. Learn from the mistakes, recalibrate when necessary, and move on. One foot in front of the other.. just like I taught you.

You’re going to get through it and, no matter what you do, it’s actually really hard to screw up your life COMPLETELY. I do believe I am living proof of this.

At the end of the day, mom and dad could not be more proud of you. You keep doing you… in whatever makes you happy – even ugly sweatpants.

Love you to the moon and back, my love! And Hook em’!

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Four Years – 2017

Still can’t believe it’s been four years. So much has changed in that short span of time… marriages, divorces, babies, graduations…. life has continued even though there were days we didn’t think we could make it another minute, let alone another day..

With so many changes a lot remains the same. I continue to be in awe of Rick and Roxanne… their strength is beyond anything I have ever seen. Their faith remains in tact.. and their love for one another is unwavering.

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Isaiah, well.. he has probably taken this better than all of us combined. His smile can light up any dark day you may be having and all you have to do is look at him to know that God definitely exists. He is the perfect example of acceptance, strength, grace, and faith.

He will forever be my hero and one of the loves of my life. I will continue to pray for a miracle and continue to remind myself of the lessons that have come from this… let go of what I thought should be happening and rejoice in what IS happening. ❤️❤️

My July Books

I have this thing about reading multiple books at a time. I have one for when I want to get away, one that’s good for me, one that’s just for fun, and one to teach me something. Up until the last few years, I have never had trouble “keeping up”. I could pick up a book and jump on in, knowing exactly where I had left off and what was happening. These days, though, it hasn’t been as easy.

Forget that I have had NO time to actually READ any of these books but, even when I do, I spend more time having to go back and reread so I know what the hell is happening. But that convo might be for another time…

Nonetheless, here are my current BOOKS IN PROGRESS:

The Book to Teach Me Something: Unleash Your Inner Money Babe by Kathrin Zenkin. Ok, so the fact that I even BUY this many books at a time should tell you that I have some serious spending issues. Issues that need to be resolved ASAP, as in NOW. So I thought I would dig deep into what the hell makes me NEED to buy so much crap ALL THE TIME.and teach me a thing or two about manifesting; a topic I am SUPER into right now. Sounds like a win-win.

 

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I wish this chic luck; she has her work cut out with me. (wonder what I will do with that extra $1k)

So, occasionally, The Book to Take Me Away and the Book that’s Good For Me are one in the same. This month I am reading Jodi Piccoult’s; small great things. I have read ALOT of Jodi’s books and, for some reason, I always have a hard time getting into them. Then when I do, I cant put it down. And when I’m done, I am, literally, worn out. She has a way of touching each and every emotion that leaves you spent. It’s amazing and exciting and exhausting all at the same time.

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This book has been no different. I have struggled to get through the first 100 pages. Each character is so complex. I keep having to go back to figure out who each person is (or it’s the age thing, again, who knows). Anyway, I’m on page 102 and have been for a while now. I think I have everyone figured out and I even think I know the outcome but things are never as they seem with her so the odds of that are slim. Nonetheless, I’m inching along. Page by page, person by person, decade by decade…

 

The Book that’s Just For Fun: I stumbled across a new (to me) author in a used books store the other day and I REALLY REALLY like it… Jamie Brenner, and her Forever Summer was a real enjoyment. It was easy to get through, the characters were super relatable and I really liked the ending. It wasn’t anything that made you ponder life as you know it but I did shed a tear and, maybe, even belted out a laugh or two. I totally recommend if you are laying on a beach somewhere.. which is where I was when I read this.

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Friends are like a Rubik’s Cube…

I read somewhere that friends were like a Rubik’s Cube. The quote said something to the effect of; “Sometimes all your squares line up and sometimes they just don’t!”

I loved this analogy as I can completely relate to it; especially when I think of these two amazing women.. 
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There are so many different “squares” that make up our lives: health, children, relationships, work, finances etc. It’s practically impossible to get each of these squares to line up, neatly creating that perfect square of color, not just on one side but on all.

I remember the days of frustration when I just couldn’t solve that cube so one day I peeled all the colored squares off and stuck them back on to make it look as though I had actually conquered that stupid thing.. only to find out that It didn’t really work. The edges eventually started to curl up and peel off on their own. Lesson learned that day- you can’t force it.

And that’s us… we may not spend every single day together, we may go weeks without a single conversation, our edges may even begin to curl up and start to peel off, but when we need one another, we’re there. Somehow our personal rows align and all our colors magically come together- no forcing necessary.

In the end, I don’t suppose we really want ALL our squares to line up all the time, do we? If they did, the game would be over and where’s the Fun in that? 

She’s a Girl!

(original post from 2016)
My daughter took her car to a sleep over for the very first time. A part of me was pretty pleased to have reached this milestone; I didn’t have to get out of my comfy bed to drop her off, and even better, I didn’t have to get up early to pick her up. That was especially helpful since I hadn’t slept much thinking of all the things that could be going on now that she had her car with her and listening out for sirens all night (a trait I clearly inherited from my mother).
What gets me is – my boys did the exact same thing at her age. Why is this time so different?
I’d like to say it’s because she’s my baby and I am having a hard time letting go but I think the real reason, sadly, is that she’s a girl!
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THAT goes against everything I have ever tried to instill in her.. I have told her every chance I got that her gender plays absolutely no part in what she can and cannot do. It would play no part in what I ALLOWED her to do.. I even reminded my boys that the fact that she was a girl had no bearing on how they were to treat her.. was it all bullshit? Did this only apply to UIL related activities but not real life?
A friend of mine and I were having a conversation about an outing after PROM. We were both struggling with letting the girls attend. Her daughter reminded her that her brother had gone the exact same year.. she took me aback when she said; “yes, but she’s A GIRL!”.. I wasn’t taken aback that she said it, I was taken aback that I agreed!
So is everything I have ever told her about being “a girl” all bullshit?

Less is more..

At the beginning of this year, I wrote Back to Basics . This basically described my plan to take it down a notch; a streamlining of sorts..

Since then I stumbled across the cutest lady on Netflix who was all about this. Marie Kondo describes how everything in your “space” has one purpose and that’s to bring you joy.. OK, I get that.. So where do I start?

First thing Marie tells you is NOT to sort by location but by category.

OK – so what’s bugging me the most right now?

Shoes! I have sooo many and I always wear the same ones (Tieks, in case you are wondering) which I keep in a bin. Right now I don’t know if I wear them because I really do love them or because they are the easiest to get to.

Anyway, here we go..

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These are the shoes in ONE of my THREE closets. I sorted and found that I, pretty much, hated most of them. I gave a few to my mom, put a few on Poshmark, and donated the rest… this is all I have left.

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Do I feel better? Lil bit.. Question is, where do I go from here?

Back to Basics

2019.. another year is behind us.. a brand new one is right before us..

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This year I decided to forgo the usual resolutions I make each and every year.. to skip the annual Jan 1st through Jan 5th diet and only promise myself one thing.. go back to the basics..
What does that mean? I don’t really know for sure.. I think it means that I will look at my cell phone a lot less and stare at my kids faces a lot more; draft a few less emails and send a handwritten card in its place every now and then – yes, with an actual stamp (that is still a thing, right?) Maybe I’ll pass up one weekend of Netflix binging and take a drive to the beach instead.. who knows.. right now, the possibilities are endless…

Twenty Five! You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD!.​

Twenty Five! You are TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD! Your dad and I were “children” ourselves when you were born, or at least we felt like it.

The day you were born was probably the scariest day of our lives. Parenthood started by me climbing out the window of your tia Minnie’s house. That, alone, should have been a clue as to the adventure that we were about to go on. One that continues until this very day.

We didn’t have a clue what we were doing, but there you were, eight pounds, eight ounces, and, probably the prettiest baby in the nursery (and I’m not just saying that because I’m your mother, it was true). We held you, we fed you, we slept at the foot of your bassinet until that thing could no longer hold you and fell so we had no choice but to put you in a crib that was on the other side of the room. You would think we had put you in another house the way your dad was carrying on, constantly getting up to check on you.. We weren’t perfect parents, not by a long shot, but we loved you as much as any two people could love another little soul. While we know we made a FEW mistakes, we’d like to think we did a pretty good job. Here you stand before us; one of the most strong-willed, compassionate, intelligent men I have ever known.
And yeah, you may be an adult already but there are still some things you need to know; so here goes: MOM’S WORDS OF WISDOM ON YOUR 25th BIRTHDAY

Everyone needs friends.

I get that you are an independent soul and prefer to have your time to do whatever you want, when you want- EVERYONE needs to have a small, handful of friends they can count on. Find that tribe.. and don’t ever let them go.

Write down your thoughts.

I know you think that we have ZERO things in common but we are much more alike than either one of us cares to admit. So I’m telling you now; write something every day. Even if it’s just what you did that day, write it down. Fears, song lyrics that struck a chord, things that made you smile, random thoughts that popped into your head out of nowhere – write them down. Look back on your notes every now and then and relish in the memory. You are going to have to just trust me on this one..

Family is important.

It still amazes me how different the three of you are from each other. As an only child, I didn’t really understand the dynamics between siblings until I had you guys. As much as I would love to say that we have raised all of you the same, who are we kidding? Not even close… But that’s only because each of you are your own unique person. We’re actually quite proud of your differences, knowing that each of you has a quality unlike the others, but at the end of the day, we are all FAMILY and being a family is so important. So as crazy as we may make you know that we are the only people that’ll support you no matter what. No matter how far away we are, how busy we may be, we, your family will always love you..
And even if you don’t agree that Michael Keaton was the best batman around, I still love you with all of my heart and I always will – whether you like it or not.

Your life is what you make of it.

Last, but not least, this is YOUR life, so make of it what you want! Be a lawyer, be a plumber, own a comic book store – doesn’t matter as long as you are happy with it. There is only one stipulation; if you’re gonna own a comic book store, it HAS to be as cool as the one in the Big Bang Theory, otherwise, be a lawyer.

I hope your day continues to be a great one and I hope your love of pancakes never, ever goes away!

Happy Happy Birthday, Derek. We Love you to the moon and back!

About Me

One of the first assignments I was given when I first decided to go down the Mass Comm road was to create a blog. At first, it was an assignment, but after a while, it grew on me and I decided to keep it up. I even went as far as buying the domain and creating other social media accounts tied to it. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I LOVED everything about social media – and I do mean all of it.  In no way does that “define” me but that, and taking pictures, is a HUGE part of who I am.

It’s amazing how things change. One day, I was a wife and a mom and THAT defined me, then before you know it, im not “just” a mom anymore; as they have grown and left and I have to find new things for myself. It really is a very strange transition.

Luckily, I managed to get through it, relatively unscathed, and now here I am.

My family is still my #1 motivator but now its me I work on and myself I try to do for.. the rest you can read here.. (About Me)