Words of Wisdom as you prepare for your 2nd year as a Longhorn

So this is it…. Year two… feels like just yesterday I was dropping you off at Pre-K…. I can see the excitement and anticipation on your face (and don’t think that look of frustration hasn’t gone unnoticed either). I’m sure you can see the pain in mine; but what you can’t see is the swelling of pride in my heart as I look at the amazing young woman you have become.

I know the last thing in the world you want to hear right now is yet more advice from a woman who’s been offering it your ENTIRE life. But if there is anything I have ever taught you is that you are to never, ever stop learning and that all it really is.. is advice. You don’t have to take it – though keep in mind I will “gently remind” you that I told you so..

So in my usual fashion; here goes; Words of Wisdom as you prepare for your 2nd year as a Longhorn:

You are officially moved in to your new “big girl” apartment; all ready to learn new things (like how to cook) know that not all of the lessons are going to be good ones. I do believe this world is a good and beautiful place but there are places and situations that are not. Be attentive to your surroundings but don’t let it get so overwhelming it affects you to your core. Be vigilant, but not paranoid. Try never to get so wound up in what “could happen” that you fail to see the beauty that’s all around you.

The same goes for people. When you meet someone new, make sure you look them in the eye. Remember to never judge someone based on appearances. The true measure of a person is taken over time and should be based more on their actions rather than their appearance or words. We all say stupid things on bad days; words hurt but actions leave scars…. Keep that in mind.

Our hope is that you’ll come across more kindness and compassion than anything else. We pray that you’ll surround yourself with people who bring out the best in each other, who support each other, who lift each other up.. But should you come across people that don’t fall in that category, just turn around and walk away. It sounds simple, but trust me, it’s not. It could be one of the hardest things you may ever have to do.

Your dad and I have done our best to teach you how to be strong, to know who you are and never doubt yourself. Stand firm in what you know is right, even if you find yourself standing alone.

Lastly, remember that life is meant to be lived. Yes, you are here for a purpose and that is school but part of getting a proper education is learning to LIVE. So whenever you see the possibility for adventure – take it! You only get one chance at this – make it count..

That’s it! You got this; I am sure of it. But if you need me; this week’s 5-hour mad dash to you should prove that I will be here – all you have to do is call. OR text. Snap. Tweet… smoke signals..

Love you to the moon and back, my baby! Hook em!

👨‍🎓Words of Wisdom as Dylan becomes a College Graduate

While it would probably be enough to just say “good luck” and “We love you,’ that’s not all there is to say- Not by a long shot- so before you cross that tassel over to the other side here goes:IMG_2696

First, Congratulations!

Ignore my (moms) crying and the zillion pictures I’ll be making you take. In fact, forget everyone and everything and make this moment about nothing other than you. Accept every hug and kiss from the grandmas. Take your victory lap. Jump in that river. This is one of those “big moments” we told you about. Soak in every second of it.

Keep moving.

Take your moment then move on. Now is the first time, but certainly not the last one, that you’ll learn that life just keeps moving. Hold your head up high, keep looking straight ahead, then take that next step. The truth is that we all worry about what’s supposed to come next. Everyday heroes put one foot in front of the other and just do it. You can too.

Take care of yourself.

Take care of yourself, your stuff, and especially, those you love. A good life is yours for the taking; just remember everything and everyone will need a little of your attention every now and then. Don’t ever get so busy making a living that you forget to have a life.

Hold your fire.

People, things, and even circumstances may be fully deserving of the full power of your fire. Hold it when you can. Count to ten, go for a drive, take a walk…Do whatever you have to do to find a peaceful but workable solution. The world needs more lovers, not fighters.

We’ve ALWAYS got your back.

You are never alone in this world. You’re lucky to have a safety net knit tightly of good friends and family who are all ready to be there when you need them. Let that love carry you in weak moments. And when you get a chance, do the same for someone else.

Dream big.

And I mean really, really big, but also live every day with a spirit of wonder and brave resolve too. A lot of adulthood is not so much an exciting new road but a familiar, well-worn path. Marvel at the simple joys and brace yourself for the sad, scary things that can, and will, pop up along the way. Have faith in yourself and in God and, I promise, everything will fall into place. Eventually.

Be there.

Celebrate others successes and ease the burden of their failures. Make them laugh and sit with them when they are sad. Go to boring parties, lame weddings, and uncomfortable dinner parties because someone asked you to be there for them. You’ll be amazed at the joy you’ll find from doing the thing you really didn’t want to do.

Love is all you need.

You will have a lot of choices to make the next few days, months, and years. It can all seem a little overwhelming. Let The Beatles provide a little clarity in the chaos: “all you need is love”. If you have it, give it. Plain and simple. Then you won’t just have a blessed life, you will be a blessing to others as well.

You look so handsome.

Seriously. Yes, I know I’m biased but I’m your mother and I’m allowed to be.

You have no idea what it’s like to watch someone grow up before your eyes but I hope you get that privilege.

We are so unbelievably proud of the young man you have become inside and out. And you look great in that cap and gown too. Like for real: you are rocking it.

We love you.
Truly, honestly, deeply. This day. Every day. Forever. Take that knowledge with you into a brave new world.

The best is yet to come, my baby. Keep shooting for those stars.

Love, Mom and Dad

Five Years_IG5

I can’t believe it’s been five whole years. Some days it feels like they flew by and other days, not so much. But we managed to get through them – together – never once letting each other go, no matter how bad the mood was.

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A lot has happened in five years. Babies were born, relationships ended, kids started college, others finished, some of our kids graduated high school, relationships we were certain were over began again and became better than ever.

And a lot has stayed the same. Our amazing group of friends/family has never failed to be there for each and every moment I mentioned and so many of the ones I didn’t They were always quick to offer a hug, a pat on the back, a large drink, a shot of tequila, a huge congratulations, and even a kick in the a$$ when necessary.

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A lot has been learned in five years, as well.. we’ve learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems, life goes on and it will be better tomorrow. We’ve learned that the darkest times can lead us to the brightest of places, and the most devastating struggles can grant us the most necessary growth.

As for me, personally, I am still in awe of the strength Isaiah, Destiny, Malcolm, Rick, and Roxanne continue to possess. You have handled each hurdle with grace and unwavering faith and I am more certain than ever that it is that love for each other that helps you to continue moving forward, overcoming whatever you may be battling at that moment, knowing that it WILL pass and you WILL make it through.

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May you never, ever, for one second forget how far you have come and remember that you will make it through whatever comes next. Becuase we will all be there to help you do it – TOGETHER.IMG_1386

Ctrl, Alt, Delete –

I’m a NEW MAC user… until about a year ago I was a Windows person all the way. Ctrl, Alt, Delete was a lifesaver. It’s how you “reboot” the system and start over. Clean slate.. Brand-spanking new. I was looking for the same combination on my MAC when it hit me… I need one of those for my life!

The last few years have been rough. I have been in this state of “existing” for a while. I’m there, I am enjoying myself (for the most part) but I have been feeling as though something is missing and I can’t quite put my finger on what it is.  I’ve tried meditation, which I have yet to master because I cannot for the life of me close my eyes. I have been meaning to try yoga but never made it to a class though I’ve carried a bag around with clothes and a mat for about 3 months now. I have done the journaling, I go to church, I read ALOT… and I still can’t figure out what it is that’s missing. Don’t get me wrong. I am a happy person. I love my family. I love my house. I love my life – but why do I have this tugging feeling that something is just not right? And how the hell can I figure out what it is? And if I ever do, how do I fix it WITHOUT going all Thelma and Louise on my fam?

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https://youtu.be/-dUYR2apxdA

A while back I started reading up on the Law of Attraction. You can read more about that here. Honestly, it’s freaking hard. I try to be positive, I swear I do. I visualize like I’m supposed to. I even made a vision board! See it here… And trust me, no one is more ready to ACCEPT than I am, but still… I can’t seem to find THAT place (or what I have recently learned is called the “Vortex”). I have bought the books, I listen to podcasts every time in the car, which is a lot, and I still can’t seem to get into that groove of “being”. WTF! Why is this so damn hard for me?

Because nothing seemed to be working I went ahead and shelled out some major bucks to get training from someone who is supposed to be the best. She’s cool – I like her- I mean, from what I can tell on her daily pre-recorded videos she looks like the kind of person I could chill with. She tells me she loves me. (I’m on day 9 and that shit is already getting old) And, I have to admit, she has sorta inspired me; even got me thinking about childhood stuff and thinking that maybe it isn’t all me – we always gotta blame the parents somehow.. but still… nada, zip, zilch! NOTHING HAS CHANGED. Except for one important lesson I will share with you now…

If you want to “reboot” your life do this: think about your positive and negative experiences, people, activities, and habits. Write them all down. When you figure out what parts of your life are no longer serving you, remove them.

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Those Facebook friends that make you cringe every time they post something stupid or yet another selfie because we just didn’t get enough of the 5 million they posted the day before (I mean, really, can’t one of your 4000 friends take a picture of you?). All of those emails you get because you hit the “subscribe now” button (except for this one) that do nothing but clutter up your inbox. And especially all those apps on your phone that have the “update me” dot screaming at you constantly though you never do because you don’t actually use it and you really have no idea what it’s for, REMOVE THEM. REMOVE THEM ALL.

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Sounds simple enough, right? Well, it’s not. If you are anything like me you’ll feel horrible deleting that person you don’t actually know but feel that you must have known them in some past life because you have 162 mutual friends. And that app; you may have that nagging feeling that you might actually need it one day (you can reload it, btw). Those emails, well, odds are slim you are ever going to win that jackpot, the coupon you’ve been saving is probably expired, and you may as well take your chances on that chain letter you never forwarded. So now is the time to put your big girl (or boy) undies on and do like Nike; “JUST DO IT”.

It’s important to remember that there is no right time or way to do this. It’s ok to feel a little sad and even a tinge of regret for a few minutes.. THEN GET OVER IT. Time to focus on the other side of the list. The one that brought you joy. The one that serves a purpose. THOSE are the ones we want to keep.

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Words of Wisdom to my 24 year old son

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24 years old! How did this happen? Just the other day your dad and I were out buying you a Emmitt Smith jersey just praying you’d be a boy.. and now you are a MAN.
In moms usual fashion – I HAVE to give you my Words of Wisdom – although you have always marched to the beat of your own drum, I CANT let this opportunity go by.. so here goes..
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Follow your muse…

even if it doesn’t seem practical to any of us… life isn’t supposed to be “practical”, it’s supposed to be LIVED. But keep SOME sense of reality in your mind. You do need to eat.

Follow your heart…

People will always try to tell you what you should do with your life; Yes, we all know I am guilty of that too. Sometimes it’s based on what we wish we could have done, sometimes it’s based on what we did do, and sometimes we simply want to live vicariously through you, but ALL of it comes from what we want FOR you and I promise that it is ALWAYS done out of love. But remember that you’re the one who will have to live with those decisions, so if you are being pushed to go to, say law school, for example, when all you really want to do is play that guitar of yours, then do it. (I promise I will only cry for a little while.) Bottom line, listen to your heart. It ALWAYS knows best.

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Earn a decent living…

Making lots of money isn’t the point, but neither is it evil.

It would be wonderful if money solved everything, but all it takes is a quick look at the news feeds to see that those who ‘have everything’ also have whole worlds of trouble that you don’t. Follow your dreams and don’t be a slave to the dollar, but also don’t let yourself stay poor. We can’t afford to support your spending habits much longer…. dad and I have dreams too!

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Never stop dreaming…

Continue to have those outrageous dreams of yours but be prepared to put in the work. You’ll be amazed at what comes true when you do.

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Expect to fail…

Failure is not fatal. Learn the lessons, then get back up and try again. Whatever you do, don’t give up. It’s a waste of energy.

You are unique and have your own gifts to offer the world. Be you… YOU are the one we love and we love you just the way you are…

Wishing you an AMAZING Birthday and loving you to the moon and back!

Words of Wisdom for my 19 year old daughter

19! I can’t even believe it! I remember the day you were born as if it were yesterday.
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Labor was induced and scheduled so there are no dramatic stories to tell.. having you was fairly quick, in relation to your brothers anyway, and, sort of easy- as easy as childbirth can be …not sure but feels like that sort of set the tone for you – you’ve always been a no frills, no drama, “I got this” kinda girl. The complete opposite of me.
And while you’re probably still more mature than I am, it wouldn’t be right if I let this day start without my WORDS of WISDOM- not that you need them.. but here goes anyway..
1. Be nice. Especially when you don’t want to.
2. Watch a sun rise and set any chance you get. Then thank God for that amazing opportunity.
3. Never refuse chocolate. Ever.
4. Think BIG but always, always, always enjoy and appreciate the little things.
5. Return anything you borrow. Preferably in better condition than you got it
6. Handwritten thank you notes, birthday cards, and RSVP’s will ALWAYS be better than any text. Doesn’t matter who it is or what the occasion may be.
7. Go places you don’t want to go. Remember any moment can turn into an adventure with the right mind set.
8. Make time for friends and family – Even if it means getting up at 6 am and driving over 300 miles.
9. Use a planner, keep a journal, and WRITE THINGS DOWN. I know you’ll think you’ll remember (and knowing you, you probably will) but do it just in case.. and most importantly,
10. Don’t be afraid to stray from that planner and just go with the flow… there’s a great big world out there, sweetheart, and if any opportunity arises for you to see it- drop what you’re doing and go.
The day you were born you completed our family, you completed my heart, and you completed ME. Dad and I love you to the moon and back. And we are so, so proud to be your parents…
Now go back and read #8 and be ready. I’m on my way!

Spring Cleaning

A dear friend recently lost his father. We helped them sort through his stuff, taking what we wanted, throwing away what WE didn’t think was useful or needed. And it got me thinking.. while it may not be useful to us, what if it meant something to him? With so much “stuff” how would we even know?
The thought of someone sorting through my things, tossing out that note my daughter wrote me the first time we had a fight, or the movie ticket from the first date with my husband, literally, brought me to tears! To anyone else, it may look like a piece of scrap paper – but to me, they were priceless!
Yes, yes, they don’t do me much good when I’m dead.. but that’s not the point here.. my point is that I need to get rid of everything that isn’t important so that if the need should arise when people are sifting through MY things, they will at least be able to distinguish between what’s important and what isn’t. With an already hectic life; why add to it by not being able to find what you need, when you need it? Right?
Initially, my plan was to go into every room, every cabinet, every drawer, every closet.. clear out my voicemail, my contacts, my friends list.. rid myself of anything and everything that brings me even the slightest amount of stress or annoyance. Then I came across one of those OM 28 Day Courses, Clear Your Home, Clear Your Life  and for a mere $10 they can TEACH me to do this, step by step, one day at a time…
So I figured I’d give it a try… I spend more than that rebuying batteries because I can’t find the 14 packages I know I already have…
So let’s get started:

Day 1:

Today was an INTRODUCTION DAY – and, it appears, this course is slightly more involved than I thought. It’s far more than taking a drawer or a cabinet a day. There is journaling involved and questions to contemplate. Aside from a few general questions I am supposed to journal about I was instructed to buy a brand new one. And it is only to be used for this purpose. I don’t know what it is about me and new journals but there is nothing I love more than buying a new one. So I will get on that right away…
Obviously, I can’t give you the details of the course but I can tell you that it appears to be WAY more than I thought. Aside from cleaning out your physical space, I will be tasked to clear out my emotional space, too. Shit – I better get bigger bags.

Day 2:

Sucked… I learned nothing.. other than the fact I cannot close my eyes and breathe. (ok, maybe I did learn SOMETHING – but it’s not what I had in mind).

Looks like learning to meditate might not be in the cards for me…

Hopefully, Day 3 will be somewhat better – because right now I WANT A REFUND!

Day 3:

Slightly better – at least I have an actual task – even if it’s just to ask myself a few questions which I ended up addressing right away ..

Little example here:

  • Is there something in your purse or wallet that doesn’t need to be there? I’m sure there is – let me clean it out. 
  • Is there something in the back seat or trunk of your car that’s been there longer than a week (that doesn’t need to be there)? Yup. along with dry cleaning I’ve been carrying around with me for weeks 
  • Is there something in your closet that you haven’t worn in over a year? Tons, Poshmark, here I come! 
  • Is your sock drawer a jumble of pair-less orphans? Yup.
  • Do you have stuff in the fridge or freezer that is over six months old? Probably
  • Is there something on the refrigerator door that is expired? About 8 bottles of mustard…
  • Are you feeling pissed-off at a family member, partner, or roommate for not doing their part to keep things clean and tidy? That’s a post of its own… 
  • Is there something you’re doing right now that can wait? Probably this – I have a car to clean out and clothes to take to the cleaners.
  • Are you feeling any twinges (even a hint) of overwhelm or anxiety as you scroll down this list? YES – ANXIETY IS IN FULL FORCE
  • Are your buttons getting pressed by these questions? Saving this for the journal entry. 

Day 4 & 5:

Pretty much the same thing – talking about feelings and stuff.

Not gonna lie; this course has kinda sucked so far.

Day 6:

Look around your office or home and move ONE THING that is out of place back to where it belongs.. we are FINALLY getting somewhere.

Day 7:

Put something in its PLACE.

“Place” — as in to. . .

  • Lay grocery bags in the trunk of your car in such a way that they don’t fall over and smash the eggs.
  • Take a few extra seconds to put the food in the refrigerator so you can see and find everything later.
  • Space the dishes in the dishwasher so that they wash and dry evenly.
  • Match shoes with mates.
  • Sort the mail into piles as soon it comes in the door: letters, bills, magazines, catalogs, recycling.
  • Park the car so that it’s easy to get in and out of and less likely to be rammed into by a bigger car.
  • Prominently display a gorgeous bouquet of flowers where you can see them every time you walk by.
  • Move the chairs back under the table when not in use

Day 8:

Meditation lesson about “enough” – how about enough of this bullshit! Get me cleaning! 

Day 9:

Sweep: sweep one part of your house or office – well enough to make a real visual difference. Now this I can work with. 

Day 10:

Take sixty seconds and clean something, anything….. ready, set go!  

Day 11:

Sort. Take all the crap from one room and pile it on a table. Separate into 4 piles: Stay, Go, Throw, Don’t Know.

Take one room; every day.. till you’re done. So I guess I’ll see you in a few months.

Day 12:

Still working on the last lesson – this one is gonna take a while..

Delete. “Email… I ignore much of it, not because it isn’t important, but because my first commitment is to life — to nature, to health, to relationships, to joy.   Most email can wait, but life has an expiration date.”­- I saw this quote and I LOVED it.. it just may be my new favorite..  back to the lesson…

Sort all of the email, put them in folders, set rules, schedule email time. The end… If only it were that easy.. 

Day 13:

Accept. More meditation. What part of “I can’t close my eyes” do you not understand?

Day 14:

Like Nike: Just do it. Do it imperfectly and keep doing it. Till it’s perfect. No matter how long it takes. Do it like your soul depends on it. And if you don’t know what “It” is; do anything and everything until it finds you. I love this so so much! 

Day 15:

Learn to say “no” – gracefully… as if I don’t try to do that every single day.. when did I become such a pushover???? 

Day 16:

Make a mistake and don’t fix it. – yeah, daily occurrence for me.. and just when I thought this couldn’t get any more stupid.

Day 17:

Allow the mystery. Accept not knowing – I accepted this a long time ago.. I seriously want a refund. 

Day 18:

Shift happens. Sometime today when you feel any kind of nudgy feeling of frustration or even despair, take a step back. Pause. Breathe.

Give the situation some space to play itself out. Allow your feelings (of anxiety, worry, despair, sadness) to arise. Allow the discomfort to sit with you, like a compassionate friend, until something shifts.

Then wait and watch what happens.

Isn’t this what I was supposed to AVOID… (sigh) I hate this. 

Day 19:

Do Nothing and see what it feels like…. it feels like I’m being jipped, that’s what it feels like. 

Day 20:

Lean in and embrace your pain. The only thing causing me pain is all the crap I have around my house I THOUGHT I was going to learn to manage. This sucks.

Day 21:

Be still – more freaking meditation.

Day 22:

Opt Out – ok, this I MIGHT be able to do. They provided a few examples on how to accomplish this. And because i’m so pissed off at how crappy this class is; i’m going to share them all here:

  • Decline graciously with “Thanks for asking, I’m sorry it’s not going to work for me this time.”
  • Put a message on your voicemail letting callers know that it may take a few days to return their call. Who in the hell still leaves vmail? Send me a text!
  • Put an auto-responder message on your email service saying that you will not be replying to any emails for a while. If their email is important, ask them to resend it after a certain date. You are obviously not in sales but might work for personal email. 
  • Unsubscribe to email lists that no longer serve and support you. This one I should def do – I get so much crap I no longer know what’s valid and what’s not. 
  • Unsubscribe to a magazine that you never read. Uh no, I read them all – yes, in paper format. 

Day 23:

Rest – seriously?

Take one minute and just sink into deep relaxation. Here’s how:

  • Find a comfy place to sit.
  • Wrap yourself in yummy “blankey.” (It’s good to have one handy, even at the office. I have super-soft oversized shawl that I love to drape around me that goes with me everywhere.)
  • Put your feet up if you can. Wiggle into your seat and feel yourself settling into the most perfect support.
  • Once settled, close your eyes.
  • Take a nice easy breath in, and a slow emptying breath out.
  • Breathe in the words “I choose ease”; breathe out “I release.”
  • Stay in as long as you can.
  • Notice how it feels afterward. It feels like I’ve been duped, that’s how it feels. 

Day 24:

Let it all go – um, can you be a little bit more specific?

Day 25:

Bless My Home – ok, I kinda like this one.. 

House Blessing

By Stephanie Bennett Vogt

Dear home,

Thank you for being.

Thank you for being a sanctuary for all who have lived here before, reside here now, and will make their home here afterward.

Thank you for being a place of laughter, discovery, and spacious magic.

Thank you for holding a space for us to heal quickly when we are out of balance.

Thank you for holding a space for us to breathe again when we shut down and feel afraid.

Thank you for holding a space for us to rest, renew, and remember who we truly are.

Thank you for teaching us what it means to be truly unconditional and present.

And so it is.

And so it shall be.”

Day 26:

Release – release what? Why are you teaching me how to sit? You need to teach me how long I need to keep the crap I have in my drawers and what to do with what I need to keep… that’s what you need to be teaching me – I already know how to sit!

Day 27:

Prioritize – ok, this one is kinda deep. Basically, you are given a list of the top things people on their death bed regret..

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.  yeah, totes agree… 
  2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. I wish I didn’t HAVE to. 
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. this hasnt really been an issue – I need more practice on keeping my mouth SHUT instead.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Oh, but I do! Have you ever heard of facebook?
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.. kinda vague, don’t ya think. 

But here is where the good part comes in (finally). Sit down for 60 seconds and, without thinking about logistics make a list of things you want to do, see, hear and/or feel before you go… Ready, Set, Go!

Day 28:

“Today marks the end of this 28-day program. I hope you’ve enjoyed taking a dip in these rich waters of your Spacious Self.” – uh, how about NO. This was one of the dumbest things I ever did and I totally want my money back. STAR RATING:1

But OK, I get it – declutter everything. Not just the kitchen drawers or your closet or that hall storage that could probably serve as an emergency shelter IF you could actually step into it… That part makes sense.. the rest, not so much. Or who knows, maybe it was JUST ME who didn’t get it… either way, I will continue to do each and every one of these things (sorta – in my own way .. and no, I will not write about it.

Faith Anchors the Soul

Meredith Grey once said, “Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is, appreciating small victories and Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human”  Yes, Meredith Grey is a real person and I will not accept otherwise…

 

While I agree with her completely, I also believe that there is really only one thing a person needs in order to survive that struggle.. faith.

Faith is defined as a ” firm belief even in the absence of proof “. I define it as trust and assurance that I will live to see another day. Faith is what keeps me going.

I would never describe myself as a religious person but I am a strong believer in HIS existence. I have always struggled with a lot of what we are expected to believe and the guidelines that have been placed upon us. And yes, while I am a proponent of the “everything- happens- for -a- reason logic” I do not believe that the reason is always a good one or part of some “Master Plan, on the contrary, I believe that sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and just make bad choices.. really, really bad choices.

So where exactly does faith  come in? Well, it actually never left me. For even in my darkest times and even when I have made the stupidest of stupid choices; I have kept the faith that things will be ok. They may not always work out the way I want them to or hoped they would, but I know that in the end – I will have survived it all.

 

So every single day I give thanks for the familiar things I know and I give thanks  for the things I may never know. I continue to give thanks for the people in my life, the memories we’ve made and the ones we have yet to make.

We live in trying times. Our world seems to be filled with devastation and crisis and opinions, so…. many….. opinions, and we continue to be tested on a daily basis. Yet every morning I get up, say a prayer for myself and my family and go about my day – with nothing but the hope of, not only surviving it, but getting to do it all over again tomorrow and faith that HE will help me do just that.

 

 

BioTe Day 5 – what the hell happened?

I don’t know if it was in my head or what the deal was but, I swear, Friday and Sat I was on fire. I had more energy than I knew what to do with. I was bouncing off the walls with it!

Sunday took a dramatic turn… I slept so much I feel like a zombie.., it was almost as though I had done too much and was now paying for it. I cant seem to snap out of it. Even as I sit here at work, I cant seem to focus. Tired - (Archives)

Granted, I am only on Day 5 and everything I have read says it takes several weeks to feel the full effects. All I know is that right now, I feel like crap.

Not gonna give up though, actually, I cant – refer to CON #3 here…

Technically, I’m “stuck” with it.. So what else is there to do but wait it out?  I cant give up on it yet. I wont.

At least I get to hit the gym today.

Who am I kidding?  I never wanted to before, why would I want to now? BUT, the last thing I want to do is look like Chewbacca so I HAVE to go, even if I don’t want to. It’s for my health and I HAVE to give it SOME priority at some point. RIGHT?

I did it!

Today was THE day – I got my first round of pellet injections..

When I arrived, I was a total wreck. I was shaking so much I could hardly hold the pen I used to consent to having something inserted in my backside; something that could cause bloating, acne, and an increase in facial hair. As I sat there reading all of these possible side effects; I questioned what in the hell I was doing.. but then I read the good stuff – increased libido (yay), energy (I could really use that), sense of well being (no idea what that means, but sounds good so ill take it), increased stamina (yay, again), decrease in mood swings (my kids need that), decrease in irritability (my husband needs this one) and decrease in weight (ok- sign the damn thing already)… so I did. Slightly illegible but I did it.

While I was sitting there searching giant beer pong on Pinterest I mistakenly glanced over to my left and saw a tray. Being the nosey (I like to call it observant) person that I am, I picked up the cover – Mistake #1.

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I looked for exit signs that would allow me to escape unnoticed but I couldn’t find one. I stood up, grabbed my purse, put my hand on the door – and then SHE walks in – the doctor who was there to do the procedure.. looking as calm as a cucumber – and just as sweet as she could be. I had no choice but to admit that I was attempting to make a run for it and she laughed, ever so casually, and tells me to lay down.

I put my purse down then realized I was wearing a dress so I lifted it up to make sure I had on cute undies ( no idea why I did this). They weren’t SUPER cute but they matched so I was ok – even my mom would approve.

I laid down on my side – bent one leg, as instructed, and stretched out the top one – I could feel the cold air hit my bum as she lifted up my dress and pulled down a tiny bit of my mother approved undies and told me I’d feel a tiny little prick – which I did – and that was it…

I laid there, not moving, for a few minutes and finally asked her when she was going to start. She laughed and said, “Honey, I’m done”… and just like that, it was over.

I was given a prescription for water pills (in case I bloat) and a bottle of DIM (still don’t know what that is) and I drove myself to work; picking up a donut on the way as a form of praising myself on being so brave… the kolache and chocolate milk were for nutritional value. I could probably list that as Mistake #2 – but I’m not..

And now I wait and see if this works…