We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve celebrated our successes and mourned our defeats. We’ve sat back and watched in amazement at the strength we often didn’t know we had- and we’ve picked each other up when we just didn’t think we could go on any longer. Our kids have fought and made up, spent countless weekends together and then gone months without talking at all….but when one (or all) of them is needed- they’re there without hesitation. I’d like to think that’s something they learned by our example. Cheers to our little tribe. May it continue to blossom and multiply (but not for another 5 years, at least) and may we one day be able to get just ONE decent picture in.
My To Do List of 2021 included doing one new thing a month. Since I started the list late it makes sense that this action item would start late, as well..
Going home for a few days with my daughter led to the discussion about what we should do and she suggested this place. I am not the best at ANYTHING physical but it was definitely new so I made the reservation.
We got there and everyone was totally gracious. They explained the process, the rules, etc.. then they tell us we can bring our own alcohol. Axes AND alcohol??? What could possibly go wrong? Lucky for us; NOTHING!
Before we even officially started I threw one out “for fun” and actually made it right on the bullseye. It was clearly a lucky shot because I never did it agin. AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE!
Doesn’t matter though, because we still had a ton of fun.
Now it’s probably not something I would be in a hurry to do again anytime soon but I am glad I did it at least once. And this is sorta the point of all of this, right…
I tried this last year and sucked at it just as badly as I did in 2018. I can blame the pandemic, because, let’s be honest, it’s affected EVERYTHING but, in reality, I just haven’t put much effort into the “little things”. However, on the eve of my 49th birthday I’m thinking it’s time… definitely not getting any younger so I should probably get to it.
So here goes – my To Do List of 2021. And yes, most of these are a rollover of last years..
- Finish up that gun class I took and actually learn how to use one. My darn license is about to expire and I still haven’t done anything with it. When that is done, I want to PURCHASE a gun of my own. Who knows where this life of mine will take me and I really need to learn to take care of myself.
- Learn how to meditate – like for real, the right way – the kind where my soul actually leaves my body and does my body and my mind some good. For some reason, maybe age, I feel like I need this more than ever now. There is something in me that just doesn’t feel “settled”.
- Take a photography class. I absolutely love my camera and I love some of the things I can do with it but there is still so much more to learn. So starting today; it will go with me EVERYWHERE I go. And I will learn to use it PROPERLY
- Visit one new place (city, town, museum, are gallery – ANYTHING) at least once a month. This one is a must. It will be good for me, my art, my photography, and most importantly, give me something to write about. Which leads me to my next “to do”.
- Keep up with this blog. It’s here – why not?
- Pay off my Target card. Lasy year I said that odds were slim. Since they closed it on me; my chances are starting to look up.
- Visit the Selena Memorial Museum… don’t laugh, it’s real!
- Stay at a Bed and Breakfast
- Visit that Ice Castle Spa place
- See Magnolia Silos – done! In 2020 but whatever, it counts..
- Indoor Sky Dive
Yes, this is a pseudo miniature bucket list and all of these are on my actual Bucket List but I’m all about breaking down the little things into smaller, attainable goals..
So here goes.. let’s get started.
What a year this has been!
These days; the ones that seem to drag on and on and on and feel like they may never end have actually not been so bad. Looking back, I am grateful for the time it has given me with my family. The nights we sat playing board games because we couldn’t leave our house or sitting in my car having simple conversation and staring up at a moon that seemed so much more beautiful than usual as we ate a basket of rolls and waited for our turn in the restaurant wouldn’t have happened had it not been for this “new normal”.
Don’t get me wrong. I miss so much of our life. I miss hugs, and Tuesday nights, and being able to sneeze freely without everyone within a 6 foot radius staring at you like you just infected them with the plague.
I miss traveling. I actually miss crowded airports, and paying $18 for a terrible sandwich, and people watching.
I miss exploring new places.
In this time though, I have explored other places. Ones deep inside of me. Ones right outside my front door. Ones I wouldn’t have ever known existed had it not been for these last few months.
They say “hindsight is 20/20” and I cant think of a saying more appropriate for this year of 2020. I don’t usually believe in looking back – I mean, the past is the past and there isn’t anything you can do about it – but this time, I think it’s exactly what needs to be done. Now is the time to clear up any misconceptions, apologize for the mess ups, come clean about the things you’ve been holding on to, and then just let it all go…
Had such a great weekend doing nothing but enjoying what the good Lord gave us….
Yes, I know it sounds like a bad country song and I would normally NEVER post anything so cheesy (yeah, right) here but I start my vaccine trial TOMORROW and I’m feeling a little bit of everything so I allowed myself a pass just this one time..
It seems as though I’ve heard of more deaths this past week alone and it seems to be hitting closer and closer to home making me, both, more terrified and even more inclined to do it..
So, yeah, that’s it. 🤷🏼♀️ #grateful
I had, honestly, been taking all of this in stride, one day at a time, paying attention but not OBSESSED, but this SERIOUSLY breaks my heart. These kids are being robbed of a crucial college experience; major EARNED milestones like graduation and ring ceremonies will not be celebrated, housing situations are being left in chaos, friendships made will be left uncultivated, memories that should have happened, never will..
My daughter is one of the lucky ones. She can easily go back to her apartment and gather her things at her leisure. We have “decent” internet connections and ways to rectify the situation, if necessary. God willing, she will still have her commencement ceremony next spring and life will, eventually, go back to normal- whatever that may be- but for the others; you are and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, every minute of every day..
And yes, I still plan to go about my life. I wont let this virus control me or my family, nor will I live in fear that I’ll run out of toilet paper or food and start acting like a crazy ass fool (not anymore than usual, anyway). I’ll continue to use common sense (whatever I have left of it) I’ll continue to take all the necessary precautions, but I refuse to allow this to affect me or my family any more than it already has… life WILL go on. Just with a lot more hand sanitizer…
I did one of these in 2018 and, to be honest, I sucked at it. I probably accomplished one thing off the list and, even then, it was about a year later.
I think my son accomplished another one. OK, he did… but it was still HIS accomplishment, not mine.
But, here we are; another DECADE upon us. And here I am, still making my damn lists.
So here goes – my To Do List of 2020.
- Finish up that gun class I took and actually learn how to use one. I mean, I am a LICENSED gun carrier person..
- Learn how to meditate – like for real, the right way – the kind where my soul actually leaves my body and does my body and my mind some good.
- Take a photography class.
- Go see Abraham-Hicks LIVE and IN PERSON.
- Pay off my Target card (odds are slim)
- Stay at a Bed and Breakfast
- Visit that Ice Castle Spa place
- See Magnolia Silos
That should do it for this year. If I can accomplish even HALF of these things; it’s gonna be a good year.
1. To send my kids a text asking: what meals do you want me to make for you while you’re home?” ✔️
2. Christmas music playing non stop – loud enough for everyone to hear no matter what room you’re in in this house. ✔️
3. To put clean, fuzzy sheets on a bed that hasn’t been slept in for a while. ✔️
4. Stockings hung by the chimney with care in hopes that the owners of those stockings will soon all be there.
5. To get this text from my kids simply saying: “heading home.”✔️
6. To bake batches of holiday cookies; even if they’re the ones from the package .✔️
7. For everyone who calls me “mom” to be asleep under my roof.
8. To have breakfast together every day… and include mimosas on most of them.
9. More laundry in the washroom, more clothes and shoes thrown around the house, more cell
phones charging at every outlet not being used by a Christmas light.
10. The sound of all my children’s voices laughing together in the same room.
11. To go to bed at night without leaving my phone on because all the people who might need to call me at 3 a.m. are within earshot.
12. To need to buy more milk, more cereal, more laundry detergent, more toilet paper, and more—much, much more—pizza.
13. Family game night with all the players.
14. To do everything on our “next time you’re home” list.
And a roomba.. 😊❤️
I cant believe we are already into November! It was just the other day I was writing about Back to Basics – Holy crap, it took me THAT long to actually get started! The year is almost OVER!
Anyway, in my long overdue journey of clearing out the crap I stumbled upon the cutest little woman named Marie. Everyone seems to love her and her videos made it seem so easy. Yes, I knew there would be some mess, I mean, you gotta break it all down to put it back together, right, but I NEVER expected it to be like this!
So I went back and watched the videos again. I HAD to be doing it wrong. Then I realized something; they never tell you how long it took! There was NO TIMELINE! How did I not notice this before?
That made me feel better but also made me feel worse. I wasn’t doing it wrong but this could, possibly, go on indefinitely. And in the meantime, I am losing my mind over the clutter.
I didn’t take before pics because I, honestly, swear to my God, thought I could do this in a night. I didn’t think it would be this hard..
But this is my progress so far (not much):
Started on Monday, November 4th –
I swear I worked on this aaalllll day and night but this was my progress on Tuesday.
It is now Monday, November 11th and I have yet to finish category 1 of this ordeal. I am, officially, scarred for life. Torching the house does NOT seem like a bad idea anymore.
Forget cancelling Kindle Unlimited because I somehow UPGRADED the damn thing! I dont know how and I am not even going to fight it. Instead, I have chosen to embrace it and read on! I have “listened” to more books than any one person should… and I don’t have to deal with said book when I hit THAT category of the Marie thing. #winning
I guess its back to working on learning how to fold the 27 grey t shirts that bring me joy…
Every November since 2012 I’ve done this 30 Days of Thankful thing. It first started as a fb “challenge” from a friend and it quickly became one of my favorite things to do. One I usually look forward to all year long.
This year, for some reason, I just didn’t want to do it.
It’s been a rough year.
Late last year my job structure changed and I’ve had a tough time adjusting to it and all the “freedom” it’s given me. I use that term loosely because, while I may have acquired the flexibility I cried about for DECADES, I lost the stability and structure I never knew I desperately needed. Yeah, came as a surprise to me too.
My kids are all grown and doing their best to adjust to this adulting thing but, let’s be real here, they aren’t that great at it yet and they’ve made some really crappy decisions that have cost us lots of money and heart ache. Thank God you guys are super cute and that I have an amazing sense of humor (yes, I just complimented myself) because that’s, pretty much, what’s kept me from not beating all of their butts- you’re welcome. 😬
Sparing you the boring details, one, not quite completely insured car I still owe a substantial amount of money on, was totaled and the other car caught fire. Literally! And, of course, I was grateful everyone was ok and, of course, that’s what’s REALLY important but the damn car went up in flames. Big ones! I mean, come on, seriously??
I also realized I have zero budgeting abilities and my finances are in a state that’s pretty similar to that car that had to be SCOOPED off the expressway. Turns out I have a whole lot of stuff I don’t want or need, including 27 grey t shirts I bought from Facebook ads. Do I think they’re cute? Very. Will I ever wear them? Nope!
Seems like just when things are about to get better, something else falls apart. Like me, for example.
I’m getting old and I’m not liking it very much. Botox has become my new favorite thing (someone stop me if I come anywhere remotely close to looking like the joker). I’m always tired, my blood pressure is high, I am pretty sure I’m in the beginning stages of menopause and I spend more time talking to my dog than I do anyone else (he’s an excellent listener, btw) because there’s only about a handful of people I don’t often want to punch in the face – and no, my kids are not always a part of that group. As a matter of fact, they are RARELY in that group. (Mommy still loves ya, though!❤️❤️❤️)
The passing of my stepfather was the hardest. Not only was he gone and I now had this huge hole in my heart but I had my mom being alone and the possibility of her moving in with me to add to my list of worries! (I still can’t tell you which scares me more ; her being alone or her wanting to live here!!! – love you mom!😊❤️😬)
And yes, I have had alot of really great times in between all of this stuff and I know how blessed I really am (I do know, I promise I do) I just hadn’t been feeling it a lot lately. But yesterday we got to do something really great for one kid and the other two were truly happy for her and I realized that THAT was what mattered. My kids were (almost)well adjusted- not -a -danger- to -society- about -to -be -adult people that were genuinely HAPPY and there for each other when it mattered the most.
As she drove away this morning, still glowing from yesterday’s events, and I realized that it was the 3rd of November and that today was my dads, Manuel’s 69th birthday and he was stronger and better than ever and all of those crappy things that happened could have, just possibly, made ME stronger and better, too! So I’m doing it; 3 days behind but that’s ok… sometimes you just have to take a minute (or 3 days or a month or a year or whatever) to make the decision that it’s time. Time to get your shit together and stop worrying about things that are out of your control and just be grateful for every good, hell, any half-way -decent -at -least -I’m -not- dead moment you got!