Life As We Know It…

I had, honestly, been taking all of this in stride, one day at a time, paying attention but not OBSESSED, but this SERIOUSLY breaks my heart. These kids are being robbed of a crucial college experience; major EARNED milestones like graduation and ring ceremonies will not be celebrated, housing situations are being left in chaos, friendships made will be left uncultivated, memories that should have happened, never will.. 

My daughter is one of the lucky ones. She can easily go back to her apartment and gather her things at her leisure. We have “decent” internet connections and ways to rectify the situation, if necessary. God willing, she will still have her commencement ceremony next spring and life will, eventually, go back to normal- whatever that may be- but for the others; you are and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, every minute of every day.. 

And yes, I still plan to go about my life. I wont let this virus control me or my family, nor will I live in fear that I’ll run out of toilet paper or food and start acting like a crazy ass fool (not anymore than usual, anyway). I’ll continue to use common sense (whatever I have left of it) I’ll continue to take all the necessary precautions, but I refuse to allow this to affect me or my family any more than it already has… life WILL go on. Just with a lot more hand sanitizer… 

To Do List of 2020

I did one of these in 2018 and, to be honest, I sucked at it. I probably accomplished one thing off the list and, even then, it was about a year later.

I think my son accomplished another one. OK, he did… but it was still HIS accomplishment, not mine.

But, here we are; another DECADE upon us. And here I am, still making my damn lists.

So here goes – my To Do List of 2020.

  1. Finish up that gun class I took and actually learn how to use one. I mean, I am a LICENSED gun carrier person..
  2. Learn how to meditate – like for real, the right way – the kind where my soul actually leaves my body and does my body and my mind some good.
  3. Take a photography class.
  4. Go see Abraham-Hicks LIVE and IN PERSON.
  5. Pay off my Target card (odds are slim)
  6. Stay at a Bed and Breakfast
  7. Visit that Ice Castle Spa place
  8. See Magnolia Silos

That should do it for this year. If I can accomplish even HALF of these things; it’s gonna be a good year.

What I want for Christmas this year:

1. To send my kids a text asking: what meals do you want me to make for you while you’re home?”  ✔️


2. Christmas music playing non stop – loud enough for everyone to hear no matter what room you’re in in this house. ✔️


3. To put clean, fuzzy sheets on a bed that hasn’t been slept in for a while. ✔️


4. Stockings hung by the chimney with care in hopes that the owners of those stockings will soon all be there.


5. To get this text from my kids simply saying: “heading home.”✔️


6. To bake batches of holiday cookies; even if they’re the ones from the package .✔️


7. For everyone who calls me “mom” to be asleep under my roof.


8. To have breakfast together every day… and include mimosas on most of them. 


9. More laundry in the washroom, more clothes and shoes thrown around the house, more cell

phones charging at every outlet not being used by a Christmas light.


10. The sound of all my children’s voices laughing together in the same room.


11. To go to bed at night without leaving my phone on because all the people who might need to call me at 3 a.m. are within earshot.


12. To need to buy more milk, more cereal, more laundry detergent, more toilet paper, and more—much, much more—pizza.


13. Family game night with all the players. 


14. To do everything on our “next time you’re home” list.

From my family to yours, Merry Christmas!

And a roomba..  😊❤️

November ALREADY, Kindle Unlimited, & Marie Kondo

I cant believe we are already into November! It was just the other day I was writing about Back to Basics – Holy crap, it took me THAT long to actually get started! The year is almost OVER!

Anyway, in my long overdue journey of clearing out the crap I stumbled upon the cutest little woman named Marie. Everyone seems to love her and her videos made it seem so easy. Yes, I knew there would be some mess, I mean, you gotta break it all down to put it back together, right, but I NEVER expected it to be like this!

So I went back and watched the videos again. I HAD to be doing it wrong. Then I realized something; they never tell you how long it took! There was NO TIMELINE! How did I not notice this before?

That made me feel better but also made me feel worse. I wasn’t doing it wrong but this could, possibly, go on indefinitely. And in the meantime, I am losing my mind over the clutter.

I didn’t take before pics because I, honestly, swear to my God, thought I could do this in a night. I didn’t think it would be this hard..

But this is my progress so far (not much):

Started on Monday, November 4th –

I swear I worked on this aaalllll day and night but this was my progress on Tuesday.

It is now Monday, November 11th and I have yet to finish category 1 of this ordeal. I am, officially, scarred for life. Torching the house does NOT seem like a bad idea anymore.

Forget cancelling Kindle Unlimited because I somehow UPGRADED the damn thing! I dont know how and I am not even going to fight it. Instead, I have chosen to embrace it and read on! I have “listened” to more books than any one person should… and I don’t have to deal with said book when I hit THAT category of the Marie thing. #winning

I guess its back to working on learning how to fold the 27 grey t shirts that bring me joy…

30 Days of Thankful – and why I almost didn’t do it.

Every November since 2012 I’ve done this 30 Days of Thankful thing.  It first started as a fb “challenge” from a friend and it quickly became one of my favorite things to do. One I usually look forward to all year long. 

This year, for some reason, I just didn’t want to do it. 

It’s been a rough year.  

Late last year my job structure changed and I’ve had a tough time adjusting to it and all the “freedom” it’s given me. I use that term loosely because, while I may have acquired the flexibility I cried about for DECADES, I lost the stability and structure I never knew I desperately needed. Yeah, came as a surprise to me too. 

My kids are all grown and doing their best to adjust to this adulting thing but, let’s be real here, they aren’t that great at it yet and they’ve made some really crappy decisions that have cost us lots of money and heart ache. Thank God you guys are super cute and that I have an amazing sense of humor (yes, I just complimented myself) because that’s, pretty much, what’s kept me from not beating all of their butts- you’re welcome. 😬

Sparing you the boring details, one, not quite completely insured car I still owe a substantial amount of money on, was totaled and the other car caught fire. Literally! And, of course, I was grateful everyone was ok and, of course, that’s what’s REALLY important but the damn car went up in flames. Big ones! I mean, come on, seriously??

I also realized I have zero budgeting abilities and my finances are in a state that’s pretty similar to that car that had to be SCOOPED off the expressway. Turns out I have a whole lot of stuff I don’t want or need, including 27 grey t shirts I bought from Facebook ads. Do I think they’re cute? Very. Will I ever wear them? Nope!

Seems like just when things are about to get better, something else falls apart. Like me, for example. 

I’m getting old and I’m not liking it very much. Botox has become my new favorite thing (someone stop me if I come anywhere remotely close to looking like the joker). I’m always tired, my blood pressure is high, I am pretty sure I’m in the beginning stages of menopause and I spend more time talking to my dog than I do anyone else (he’s an excellent listener, btw) because there’s only about a handful of people I don’t often want to punch in the face – and no, my kids are not always a part of that group. As a matter of fact, they are RARELY in that group.  (Mommy still loves ya, though!❤️❤️❤️) 

The passing of my stepfather was the hardest. Not only was he gone and I now had this huge hole in my heart but I had my mom being alone and the possibility of her moving in with me to add to my list of worries! (I still can’t tell you which scares me more ; her being alone or her wanting to live here!!! – love you mom!😊❤️😬)

And yes, I have had alot of really great times in between all of this stuff and I know how blessed I really am (I do know, I promise I do) I just hadn’t been feeling it a lot lately. But yesterday we got to do something really great for one kid and the other two were truly  happy for her and I realized that THAT was what mattered. My kids were (almost)well adjusted- not -a -danger- to -society- about -to -be -adult people that were genuinely HAPPY and there for each other when it mattered the most. 

As she drove away this morning, still glowing from yesterday’s events, and I realized that it was the 3rd of November and that today was my dads, Manuel’s 69th birthday and he was stronger and better than ever and all of those crappy things that happened could have, just possibly, made ME stronger and better, too! So I’m doing it; 3 days behind but that’s ok… sometimes you just have to take a minute (or 3 days or a month or a year or whatever) to make the decision that it’s time. Time to get your shit together and stop worrying about things that are out of your control and just be grateful for every good, hell, any half-way -decent -at -least -I’m -not- dead moment you got! 

Being Stuck….

I saw this picture on Pinterest of a person stuck in a jar. The quote read “I feel like I am stuck in a glass jar. I can see what I want or need to do, yet I cannot reach it.” Holy crap! After months of trying to describe how I am feeling THIS random picture did it for me! This is EXACTLY how I feel; like I’m stuck in this world where my days go on and on and I am trapped in this merry go round I just cant seem to get off on.

There are days the dizziness is just too much. So much that I actually get nauseous. Then there are days the lid is so tight I cant even breathe. On the outside, everything looks fine. Actually, everything IS fine. I have a job I love, I have the set up I had prayed for for years. I have amazing friends, healthy kids, a home I feel blessed to live in. I drive my dream car. And yet, I still feel “off”.

If I were to take a page from my LOA book I would say I am not “in alignment”. So my question now is; how in the hell do I get “aligned” because I’m about to blow this lid off and turn my entire world upside down! Or I’m going to die… at this point, it could go either way.

Friends are like a Rubik’s Cube…

I read somewhere that friends were like a Rubik’s Cube. The quote said something to the effect of; “Sometimes all your squares line up and sometimes they just don’t!”

I loved this analogy as I can completely relate to it; especially when I think of these two amazing women.. 
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There are so many different “squares” that make up our lives: health, children, relationships, work, finances etc. It’s practically impossible to get each of these squares to line up, neatly creating that perfect square of color, not just on one side but on all.

I remember the days of frustration when I just couldn’t solve that cube so one day I peeled all the colored squares off and stuck them back on to make it look as though I had actually conquered that stupid thing.. only to find out that It didn’t really work. The edges eventually started to curl up and peel off on their own. Lesson learned that day- you can’t force it.

And that’s us… we may not spend every single day together, we may go weeks without a single conversation, our edges may even begin to curl up and start to peel off, but when we need one another, we’re there. Somehow our personal rows align and all our colors magically come together- no forcing necessary.

In the end, I don’t suppose we really want ALL our squares to line up all the time, do we? If they did, the game would be over and where’s the Fun in that? 

She’s a Girl!

(original post from 2016)
My daughter took her car to a sleep over for the very first time. A part of me was pretty pleased to have reached this milestone; I didn’t have to get out of my comfy bed to drop her off, and even better, I didn’t have to get up early to pick her up. That was especially helpful since I hadn’t slept much thinking of all the things that could be going on now that she had her car with her and listening out for sirens all night (a trait I clearly inherited from my mother).
What gets me is – my boys did the exact same thing at her age. Why is this time so different?
I’d like to say it’s because she’s my baby and I am having a hard time letting go but I think the real reason, sadly, is that she’s a girl!
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THAT goes against everything I have ever tried to instill in her.. I have told her every chance I got that her gender plays absolutely no part in what she can and cannot do. It would play no part in what I ALLOWED her to do.. I even reminded my boys that the fact that she was a girl had no bearing on how they were to treat her.. was it all bullshit? Did this only apply to UIL related activities but not real life?
A friend of mine and I were having a conversation about an outing after PROM. We were both struggling with letting the girls attend. Her daughter reminded her that her brother had gone the exact same year.. she took me aback when she said; “yes, but she’s A GIRL!”.. I wasn’t taken aback that she said it, I was taken aback that I agreed!
So is everything I have ever told her about being “a girl” all bullshit?

Back to Basics

2019.. another year is behind us.. a brand new one is right before us..

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This year I decided to forgo the usual resolutions I make each and every year.. to skip the annual Jan 1st through Jan 5th diet and only promise myself one thing.. go back to the basics..
What does that mean? I don’t really know for sure.. I think it means that I will look at my cell phone a lot less and stare at my kids faces a lot more; draft a few less emails and send a handwritten card in its place every now and then – yes, with an actual stamp (that is still a thing, right?) Maybe I’ll pass up one weekend of Netflix binging and take a drive to the beach instead.. who knows.. right now, the possibilities are endless…

Open Forum ; a right or a privilege?​

I live in a small town, deep in South Texas – as in, if- you -go -any -further- you- are- now- in -Mexico – deep… it’s a town where people know all of your business, high school football is king, and the city officials are, in most cases, a “friend”.
Before I continue, let me make it clear that whatever statements I make are not directed at one person, in particular, nor is it even, specifically, about my hometown. These statements are in general and really made to ask one (ok,  maybe two) question(s)… “Is Open Forum a Right or a Privilege?”
About a year ago it was determined that town hall meetings in my little neck of the woods would no longer allow for an open forum.  Basically, there is now a virtual complaint box  – one in which they can choose to acknowledge or chose to ignore.. and there is nothing we can do about it.
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Having an attorney in my family, I thought it best to broach the very infuriating topic up with him first BEFORE I take my rant to Facebook.
Me: We have a right to say what we want to say, as long as it is done during the allotted time and follows the rules (don’t be ugly, rude, or disrespectful)
Him: Open Forum is not a right, it’s a privilege.
Me: Having a seat on the city council is not a right, either – it is a PRIVILEGE, that, we, the citizens they are so vehemently trying to shut up, GAVE them.
Him: well, after you gave them that privilege, it is now their right to shut it down.
Me: (silence)
So which is it? I still stand by my opinion that it is, indeed, our right but I really can’t argue with his logic (I hate when people respond to my rants with LOGIC, btw). But that just leads me to my second question – are any of these people that we have given this very generous right to even QUAlIFIED to be making such decisions – ANY decision, for that matter????? I would have to say, from experience, that the majority of them are not. So how did it get this way? Who decided that we would allow our town and our schools to be run by a group of people that can hardly manage their household, let alone make such hugely impacting decision? (For the record, this does not apply to ALL of them – just most of them.)
I don’t know where the suggestion box is for this but I’m thinking someone needs to find it – and fast –
I’d probably check the website first. 🙂