Then They Do….

I had three kids by the age of 26.. I remember being so tired I would go into the shower and cry. I worried about them constantly.. I worried that I wouldn’t have the energy to keep up with the midnight feedings or that I wasn’t paying enough attention to the boys or that I wasn’t paying enough attention to myself or my husband. I would tell myself that as soon as ONE of them slept through the night, everything would be better.. and then they do.. and my worries changed.
Then we enter the stage of sleeping through the night but awake all day. It was no longer formula and baby food, it was REAL food.. and I worried that I wasn’t feeding them the proper foods, that they would choke on pieces of ham or chips or cookies.. I would tell myself that as soon as they started walking, everything would be better… and then they do.. and again, my worries changed. file-27.jpg
Then I had three kids all under the age of five WALKING… everywhere.. and I worried that they would slip away from my sight and head out to the pool or out the front door or slip away from me at the mall.. I would tell myself that as soon as they started school, everything would be better.. and then they do.. and again, my worries changed.
Then I started working while they were at school. And I worried that they were going to be teased or bullied or I wasn’t going to be around if they got sick. I would tell myself that as soon as they entered middle school, everything would be better.. and then they do.. and my worries changed.
All three in school, two in middle school and one at the elementary. And I worried about them walking home and where they would go and who they’d stay with.. would they get into someone’s car, would they remember to look both ways before crossing the street, would they JUST LOOK UP FROM THAT PHONE! I would tell myself as soon as ONE was driving, everything would be better… and then they do… and again, my worries changed.
Now all THREE are driving and I worry if I can afford it, are they drinking, is someone else on the road drinking, are they paying attention to their surroundings… will they ever JUST STAY HOME? And I’d tell myself once they were all grown and out of the house, everything would be better… and then they do.. and guess what – I STILL WORRY.
Bottom line – doesn’t matter how old they are or what stage of their life they are in you will always worry about them; that never changes. The only thing that changes are the worries themselves.
If I could go back to the days when they were all at home and I would cry from being so tired; I would do it in a heartbeat – because at least I knew they were there – with me. But I cant, so I just have to hope for the best… hope that we taught them right and let them go.. watching as they walk out the door – again.

The Gossip Girls Take NYC

(Original post on March 2016)
It has always been my dream to take my mom and daughter on THEIR dream vacation. And in March of 2016, that’s exactly what I did!
Three generations, ready to take on the world (ok, only New York, but you get the idea). Emotions were running high, excitement was in the air.. life was perfect!
We started our trip late Sunday afternoon.. it was my daughters first “real” flight and her nerves were getting the best of her.
We went over to the Empire Hotel – because no REAL Gossip Girl Fan can stay anywhere else – dumped our luggage, and took off!
We started out with a quick walk to Serendipity. Of course, we had the iconic Frozen Hot Chocolate.
                                          Definitely worth the walk (and the money)
From there we walked over to the end of the block for a little         pick me up at Dylan’s Candy Bar.. I had had enough sweets (never thought I would say that!) so I opted for a signature umbrella.. it broke after about 5 minutes…. yeah, all about decoration – functionality – ZERO.
The weather was still pretty crappy and figured it was a good “inside” day so we hit up the MET and the Guggenheim.. keep in mind we are from Texas. For us, those were FREEZING temperatures. For everyone else, it was just “chilly”.
By this point we were pretty frozen (again, we come from SOUTH Texas) so we made our way back to the hotel and got settled in for the night.. with PIZZA!
All in all, it was a WONDERFUL first day to our trip!
We, on the other hand, are tourists.. it was all new to us.. we spent ALOT of time looking at maps, phone apps, guides – but in the end we just ending up asking people where we should get off and what to do from there. Considering this city has a reputation of being mean, everyone was pretty helpful.. even the man next to us who did not seem as excited as we were to be on this train.. 🙂
We rode “the metro” all the way over to the South Ferry and made our way over to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. (Ok, so now we sound like natives.)
The Statue is free to see (obviously) but the ferry ride to get there is about $20. If you want to climb the 377 steps to get to the crown, wear good shoes – and it would help to be in decent shape. It’s NOT an easy climb, but well worth the $3 it costs to go up there.
From there, we walked over to the 911 Memorial. If you are limited as to what you can see in New York, make sure this place makes the list. You walk out of there with a whole new appreciation for life and this world we live in. September 11th will always be one of the days where you remember where you were the minute you heard about it.
“That day, at 9:03am, America became a neighborhood and we all became New Yorkers.The attacks of September 11th were intended to break our spirit. Instead we have emerged stronger and more unified. We feel renewed devotion to the principles of political, economic and religious freedom, the rule of law and respect for human life. We are more determined than ever to live our lives in freedom. –Rudolph W. Giuliani.”
At this point, our feet were screaming so we took a cab over to Grand Central Station. No self respecting Gossip Girl fan can be in that city and NOT go to GCS.
Totally took me by surprise that we were even able to have a decent dinner there.. you could probably even buy groceries and go to the salon. It is, literally, a city underground.
By this time, my handy dandy step counter said we had walked over 8 miles and my feet were feeling it so I did what I had to do.. I bought sketchers. Best decision EVER.
Times Square was all that they say it is.. it’s sort of like Vegas – on steroids. The lights were bright, the energy was amazing.. and the shopping was awesome.
We really couldn’t take anymore so us, thinking we knew all there was to know about NYC, took a subway to some random location and then realized we had no idea where we were so we took a $30 cab ride about 3 blocks to our hotel.. oh well.. lesson learned.
The sun was finally out and we had taken tired to a whole new level so we decided we’s take the day to “rest” – starting with a nice stroll through Central Park. We stopped and listened to the musicians, watched the dancers, and took in as much of our surroundings as we could possibly absorb.
file-15The entire park is 843 acres and filled with a ton of attractions.. but we had one goal in mind..  that was to find the Pulitzer Fountain (Location @ Wollman rink) where Blair and Serena met and the Bethesda Terrace and Fountain where Chuck and Blair got married.
(Location @ in the middle of Terrace Dr 72nd Street)
It took about 4 hot dogs and several hours later but we finally found them both.
A late brunch (with a mimosa, of course) in the park and we slowly made our way over to the Empire State Building; stopping at a few stores along the way to shop.
Not gonna lie; It’s a bit of a challenge to get there and the 102 stories up but the views are totally worth it.
Not to mention that’s where Chuck was waiting for Blair.. so we HAD to go!
We walked back and stopped in at the New York Public Library where, apparently, they don’t hold any books anymore (disappointing) but the building was lovely and the shop inside made for some pretty interesting gifts.
We continued the 2 mile trek back to our hotel and, literally, ran into Times Square! We had no idea we had been so close all along.
A few more minutes in the Hershey store and we eventually dragged our way back to our room… completely “chocolate wasted”…
“Each neighborhood of the city appeared to be made of a different substance, each seemed to have a different air pressure, a different psychic weight: the bright lights and shuttered shops, the housing projects and luxury hotels, the fire escapes and city parks.”
Thursday (final full day in NYC)  
We started off with a subway ride to Hoboken, New Jersey – home of Carlo’s Bakery.. We crossed the Hudson and easily found it.. and it was WONDERFUL! OMG! Those cannoli’s – TO DIE FOR!
From there, we decided we needed to burn off the hundred thousand calories we had just consumed by taking a stroll through the town. It was quaint and practically perfect.
“One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.” Tom Wolf
We easily found our way back to the City and made our way over to China Town.. it wasn’t my favorite place to be but something you need to see at least once.. it’s China INSIDE a city.. even the McDonalds was in Chinese!

We found Little Italy and walked through there to do some more shopping, then decided file-26to head back to the hotel to “rest” before dinner…. only we all fell asleep..

All in all, it was pretty great. There were a few things we missed but we hit all of the “main” attractions..  Besides, NY isn’t a place you can only visit once. So we will definitely be back..

Getting Old Sucks..

I just turned 46 years old.


I’m SUPPOSED to be in the prime of my life. But I’m not. I find myself slowly falling apart.. vision is going, I forget things, and sometimes, if I laugh hard enough…well, THINGS happen.. things no one wants to know about.

The Face…

This face. The one I have recently started to lather different creams on- it’s wrinkly. Every time I look in the mirror I’m reminded of that damn tanning machine I just couldn’t stay away from in College. Even though I once got so orange I looked like an Oompa Loompa. Did I stop? Nope, went right back and just got a slightly darker shade of orange.

Botox has become part of my monthly budget, although, with two kids in college, I have ZERO business spending money on that. But hey, a girls got to do what a girls got to do.

The Hair….

White hairs are sprouting up around my forehead, the ones both my hair dresser and I have agreed are just really blond hairs. And they aren’t just coming up on my head.. nope, they are sprouting from all over the place. My eyebrows, my chest, my chin, my neck.. I mean, seriously. Is this necessary?

The Body….

Do I really even need to go here? Suffice it to say that my joints can now predict the weather and, I think, the phases of the moon and there is nothing that can be done to improve it (this body) without a lot of money, anesthesia, and some sort of medical procedure.

I’m not most people…

When MOST people hit 40 they are more in tune with who they are and what they want with life. I. however, am the exact opposite. I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. Some days I am ready to take on the world and others, not so much. There are days I am up and ready to conquer life at the crack of dawn, and others.. I don’t even bother getting out of bed.
Yes, my kids are (somewhat) grown but they aren’t out of the house or independent at all. On the contrary, they are costing me more than ever. Tuition, books, rent, etc..
My baby started her first year at the University of Texas in Austin last fall. I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it one day without her.. I was wrong. I actually love it.. like a lot. But she is killing me financially. Her dorm is a piece of junk yet its costing me over $1000 a month. WTH! That’s my mortgage payment!
My middle son is about to graduate from Texas State. I’m thinking – yes, some relief!!!*!*! – but no, now he’s going to Law School (must they be such over achievers). So although he will have to get loans for school, guess who will be paying his living expenses. This girl. Does it ever end? EVER?
By this time, I should have had a career and be making plans for retirement; seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The only light I see is the one of the oncoming train that’s about to run me over. Retirement? I don’t see that happening anytime soon..
I guess if you look back at the 40 somethings of our past, we really have made great strides. Our fashion sense has certainly improved. The “mature” look is out the window (THANK GOD). The once imposed restrictions of “maturity” no longer exist. On the contrary, 40 somethings are doing more and living more. So why cant I?
Shouldn’t I be planning for retirement? Thinking of that vacation I never got to take or the expansion of my master bedroom (yes, I will be turning their rooms into my closet). 40 is the time to start working on the life I always wanted. BUT IT’S NOT! I am still working like a slave and I don’t see any end in sight. And I am 46 – my 40’s are practically over!

Your Age is Just a Number… a big one, but still, just a number…

Your 40’s CAN be a new beginning and CAN be a great time to find out who you really are. In a way, that’s sort of what’s happening to me. I have hit that time in my life (the one we all go through eventually) when I look back and think “is THIS it?” So join me on this journey of exploration as WE try and figure out if Age is truly just a number. #midlifecrisis