I just turned 46 years old.
I’m SUPPOSED to be in the prime of my life. But I’m not. I find myself slowly falling apart.. vision is going, I forget things, and sometimes, if I laugh hard enough…well, THINGS happen.. things no one wants to know about.
This face. The one I have recently started to lather different creams on- it’s wrinkly. Every time I look in the mirror I’m reminded of that damn tanning machine I just couldn’t stay away from in College. Even though I once got so orange I looked like an Oompa Loompa. Did I stop? Nope, went right back and just got a slightly darker shade of orange.
Botox has become part of my monthly budget, although, with two kids in college, I have ZERO business spending money on that. But hey, a girls got to do what a girls got to do.
White hairs are sprouting up around my forehead, the ones both my hair dresser and I have agreed are just really blond hairs. And they aren’t just coming up on my head.. nope, they are sprouting from all over the place. My eyebrows, my chest, my chin, my neck.. I mean, seriously. Is this necessary?
Do I really even need to go here? Suffice it to say that my joints can now predict the weather and, I think, the phases of the moon and there is nothing that can be done to improve it (this body) without a lot of money, anesthesia, and some sort of medical procedure.
I’m not most people…
When MOST people hit 40 they are more in tune with who they are and what they want with life. I. however, am the exact opposite. I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. Some days I am ready to take on the world and others, not so much. There are days I am up and ready to conquer life at the crack of dawn, and others.. I don’t even bother getting out of bed.
Yes, my kids are (somewhat) grown but they aren’t out of the house or independent at all. On the contrary, they are costing me more than ever. Tuition, books, rent, etc..
My baby started her first year at the University of Texas in Austin last fall. I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it one day without her.. I was wrong. I actually love it.. like a lot. But she is killing me financially. Her dorm is a piece of junk yet its costing me over $1000 a month. WTH! That’s my mortgage payment!
My middle son is about to graduate from Texas State. I’m thinking – yes, some relief!!!*!*! – but no, now he’s going to Law School (must they be such over achievers). So although he will have to get loans for school, guess who will be paying his living expenses. This girl. Does it ever end? EVER?
By this time, I should have had a career and be making plans for retirement; seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The only light I see is the one of the oncoming train that’s about to run me over. Retirement? I don’t see that happening anytime soon..
I guess if you look back at the 40 somethings of our past, we really have made great strides. Our fashion sense has certainly improved. The “mature” look is out the window (THANK GOD). The once imposed restrictions of “maturity” no longer exist. On the contrary, 40 somethings are doing more and living more. So why cant I?
Shouldn’t I be planning for retirement? Thinking of that vacation I never got to take or the expansion of my master bedroom (yes, I will be turning their rooms into my closet). 40 is the time to start working on the life I always wanted. BUT IT’S NOT! I am still working like a slave and I don’t see any end in sight. And I am 46 – my 40’s are practically over!
Your Age is Just a Number… a big one, but still, just a number…
Your 40’s CAN be a new beginning and CAN be a great time to find out who you really are. In a way, that’s sort of what’s happening to me. I have hit that time in my life (the one we all go through eventually) when I look back and think “is THIS it?” So join me on this journey of exploration as WE try and figure out if Age is truly just a number. #midlifecrisis