It’s official…

So all of the test results came back and, while my levels aren’t THAT out of whack, they’re messed up just enough to make me a candidate. So I guess I’m just a little bitch- and not all the time.. 🤗

They did say I was severely deficient in B12 so I got a shot in the backside for a small boost of energy.

I guess it worked because I did great till about 9pm when I decided to “sit down for a bit” and woke up 6 hours later- all alone on the couch- with all the lights off- feeling sad, and slightly irritated.

The clinic is awaiting one last test result, my pap, to come in but I’m tentatively scheduled for my very first pellet insertion Thursday morning at 9am.

I’m nervous and excited and afraid all at the same time. I think the part that really freaked me out was the part where I learned I’d be getting testosterone… huh?

All my life I thought that was just for men but, apparently, I was wrong – very wrong. It’s actually essential in women too.. you can read more about it here… trust me, it’s worth the read…. I had no idea….

https://www.bodylogicmd.com/hormones-for-women/testosterone

Once I read this… “. Testosterone not only enhances the sexual mood of a woman, but the experience as well.”… I was sold…so as long as I don’t start growing hair on my chest or my face, I’m ok- but the second I do, I’m calling it quits. No one wants to wake up next to Chewbacca… I don’t care how “in the mood” you may be…

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Are my hormones really out of whack or am I just a bitch?

Today is the day – in a few minutes I will be on my way to see the PA for my hormone lab results to find out if I am a candidate for the hormone injection pellets.

I did some more reading over the weekend to make sure it was, in fact, what I wanted and it appears that, yes, it is… actually, going over the pros and cons made me so certain I wanted this I know I am going to be disappointed if Im not.

See below for my list:

PROS:

  1. “Set it and forget it”

I’ve seen it described in this manner several times and it reminds me of the rotisserie thing I once had. We used it to make a Christmas Turkey on a ski trip and didn’t read the instructions properly. Needless to say, we had ham sandwiches for Christmas Dinner that year. BUT, once we got the hang of it – that thing was a life saver. My guess is this is sorta the same thing…. you have them inserted (ouch) and then you go about your business for the next 3-4 months.

    2.  Time Release

It’s like prozac, but better. It’s a steady stream that calms you down, levels you out, AND is tailored to cover YOUR exact dosage and not anyone else’s… no more, “let’s start you off here and see how that works” and 4 days later you end up on the news for throwing a chicken sandwich at Church’s. (throwing the chicken sandwich part is a true story, but no, it did not make the news).

 3. Increased energy

That’s what got all of this started. I am tired of always being tired. I don’t even remember what it feels like NOT to be tired anymore.. I think the last time was in 2012.

4. Increased libido

Do I really need to say more?

 

CONS:

  1. Ouch.

2. Cost

It’s not cheap, but anything that keeps me from throwing around chicken sandwiches AND can, possibly, save the few friendships I have left is worth it.

3. You’re stuck with it.

The other side of NOT having the luxury of adjusting dosage at will is that you are stuck with it – in your ass- literally. And you will have to live with it for several months. I am assuming that you can have them removed if you become psychotic or something, but Im not 100% sure of this – I should probably ask. If they say no, then I should probably start memorizing some phone numbers.. in case I need bail money.

Now, if I should get there today and be told I am NOT a candidate then my suspicions are now confirmed – I am not menopausal, I’m just a bitch.

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42 bottles of blood….

I went for my initial consult this morning. Went through the usual array of medical questions – when was your last period?  2006.. how many children? 3  do you drink? I have THREE children, of course I drink!  You get the idea..

I did the whole peeing in a cup thing, they took, what appeared to me, to be ALL of the blood I had left in my body (so much so I had to stop and get a donut – I was sure I was going to pass out). They scheduled a pap, a sono, and a mammogram.

So as of right now – no idea if I am a candidate. They did, however, give me a prescription for progesterone. “To help you sleep” – hey, whatever works – hook me up – and a pamphlet… because I haven’t already read everything I needed to know about this process..

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and now I wait..

Hormone Pellet Injections – because im too old for SnapChat but too young for LifeAlert.

So I, reluctantly, went to a women’s social the other day. I was dreading going the entire day and even when I parked, I seriously considered just turning around and going home. But I didn’t – I mean, I had paid the $25 to attend and, at the very least, I could enjoy ONE glass of wine before I left. So I went ahead and walked on in.

When I got there I was already pretty late so I sat at a table in the back that had one seat open. I felt like I always do at about 545 in the afternoon – like I cannot wait to get home and get into my pjs and go to bed. Although, lately, It doesn’t really matter what time of the day it is because I feel like that, pretty much, all day.

The last few years have been rough. They have been rough on me, my family, my finances, my emotions…. I could go on but you get the idea. With two kids in college you can say that money is tight (and that’s putting it mildly). Stress is at an all time high and has been for a while. Needless to say, that shit takes its toll – on EVERYTHING.

I’m 46 years old. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself “high maintenance” but I like to get stuff done. I get botox injections every 3-4 months, get my nails done every few weeks, get pedi’s pretty regularly because no one deserves to rub up against THAT at night. So yeah, I’d like to think I take care of myself as best as I can. But lately, no matter how much I sleep or what PM med I took the night before I just cant seem to shake this feeling of sheer exhaustion. I always feel like something is “off”..

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Anyway, back to my day – Earlier that day I had come across a youtube video for hormone replacement pellets. I was somewhat intrigued. OK, I sort of became obsessed with the idea. I made some calls and found out who offered the service, called them up, and found out how much it costs.. Needless to say, it was WAY out of my price range. So I left work, somewhat defeated, and kinda sad. Not really wanting to be social but desperately needing to make good on that $25 I had spent and a tumbler of wine (don’t judge, it’s still glass) I made my way over to that social. Again, sitting in the ONE open seat they had left.

I struck up a conversation with the loveliest lady and before long we were yapping nonstop. And guess what she brings up? Wouldn’t you know it – hormone replacement pellets! I mean, came out of nowhere… and my face lit up! She offered to lend me a book and then offered me the name and number to her provider; one that CAN work with your insurance-  at least for the initial consult and labs.

I am a HUGE believer in “signs” so in my book, this meant something. First thing the following morning I reached out to the provider she gave me and made an appointment for this Monday. I have also saved a billion (ok, maybe not THAT many but close) videos, books, and links and I am headed into the weekend armed with as much information as I could possibly find.

So just to be clear – I have no problem “getting old”. I do, however, have a problem feeling it!